( voicetest ) diego hargreeves ; the umbrella academy

[supersharp]

TEXTS - ACTION - PROSE - TFLN - PROMPTS - ETC

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03:07am

[garb4ge]

do you think ants go to discos?

[supersharp]

[ it's at least a half hour before there's any sort of reply. not because he didn't see it right away or anything, but rather because what the fuck, klaus ]

am i the only one who gets these bullshit middle of the night texts?

[garb4ge]

[Diego, don't be uncultured.]

technically it's more 'early morning', since it's after most bars close

sometimes i prank call luther from pay phones

[supersharp]

[ he doesn't have time for that shit he's out there saving lives thank you ]

it's still dark out. it's the middle of the night.

klaus you might be the only person left who still uses payphones. why don't you just block your number instead of wasting your money?

[ there are more economical ways to prank call luther, brother ]

[garb4ge]

[Look, Diego, it's fine to admit you didn't have any friends cool or punk enough to invite you over to get high and watch The Young Ones.]

and yet you're awake. it's early morning.

and -- because sometimes i don't have minutes and i need to do something really funny, all right?

[Read: he's too poor to put minutes on his phone, but not too poor for the 35 cent call to the house from a payphone booth.]

[supersharp]

[ how very dare you call him out like that ]

haven't slept yet. it's the middle of the night.

life's gonna get real hard for you once all the payphones are gone, isn't it?

[ spend money more responsibly and you would be less poor ]

[garb4ge]

[It turns out that he actually pays more attention to this kind of shit than people think, the comings and goings of the house.]

nah, i'll just have to start stealing your cell phone more often

[Implying he's stolen it before ???

Spend money more responsibly, says the man who probably spends half of his income on tactical knives and spandex.]

[supersharp]

[ klaus spends so much of his time in a drug haze that diego honestly wouldn't have guessed he paid attention to much of anything! ]

hold up. what do you mean more often? have you stolen from me?

[ it's not spandex, it's leather! spandex offers literally no protect in a fight.

and by the way? knives save lives ]

[garb4ge]

[Everyone knows that as long as you're high when you remember things from when you were high last time, it works perfectly.]

i can't believe you would make such a baseless accusation of me out of left field like that, Diego

[Who hasn't he stolen from? He figures he's probably fine even if he's stolen from Diego, just as long as Diego doesn't find out he's stolen from mom.

Like you don't have to wear spandex under the leather to reduce chafing.]

[supersharp]

[ ah yes of course how silly of him to think otherwise! tho to be fair, diego doesn't really see any indication of klaus paying attention. of course it could be that diego, himself, isn't really taking notice of these sorts of things... ]

baseless? bullshit! you basically just admitted that you stole from me. what else did you steal besides my cell phone?

[ truth be told, diego will get over klaus stealing from him. he won't be happy about it and will try to get it to stop, but he'll get over it. stealing from mom though is a line you don't cross ]

[garb4ge]

[Diego, not pay attention to something? Like, for example, whether the front door of somewhere is open or not before he bashes through the window of the place? Sounds fake.]

to be fair, i at least put the phone back when i was done

[Just ignore any texts from his dealer.]

and nothing you missed, obviously, if you didn't notice

[supersharp]

[ who checks the front door of the house they're going to break in to unless they're looking into lockpicking their way inside or something?

also who leaves their door unlocked when they leave home?? ]

oh well that's fine then. as long as you put my cell phone back and only take shit that you think i won't notice. in that case, keep stealing my stuff!

[ texts from his dealer, you say. well isn't diego having access to klaus' dealer interesting... ]

[garb4ge]

[Bold of you to assume he only has one dealer, Diego.

But also ... fair.]

Right, that's what I figured. Thanks for the blessing, though! :)

[bestfuneralever]

Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.

[supersharp]

dying from pesticides. that'll show whoever probably didn't even take a damn thing from you.

did you actually SEE anyone take your shit?

[bestfuneralever]

i knew u'd get me

they were right there on the table
and now they're gone
u do the math

[supersharp]

what? that's not what i meant. i'm saying it's a stupid idea.

i doubt anyone took your damn shot glasses. you sure it isn't your fault? misplaced them? sold them?

[bestfuneralever]

w/e same diff

y would i seell my shot glasses
thats dumb
even im not that dumb, d

[supersharp]

not same diff. not even close, bro.

you probably sold them to get money for your next fix.
and yeah, you are that dumb or you wouldn't be on that shit in the first place.

[bestfuneralever]

p. much tbh no shotglasses are important fuck you, D.

[supersharp]

no not pretty much. look you do enough stupid shit as it is. how about you don't ACTUALLY try to kill yourself, yeah?

shotglasses aren't important. they're practically a dime a dozen.

[bestfuneralever]

[cartman.gif attached] Not like MONEY VALUE dumbass to MY LIFE or lifestyle WHATEVER

[supersharp]

[ dammit klaus! don't you get that he'd really rather you NOT die? he's a pain in the ass, and he's not blood, but he's diego's brother ]

whatever man. you can get more. if you lost them, sold them, or if someone stole them, who cares. get more and move on.

[bestfuneralever]

fiiiiiine
I guess.

Wjat are you doing anyway?

[supersharp]

god, i can hear your whiny voice through text.

what am i doing? having this dumb conversation with you. why?